Drastic Weight Loss Ideas You Won't See in Magazines
All those magazine articles about weight loss don't work because they just don't think BIG. (pun unintended) Here are some ideas that will really work:
Put your TV on the curb for haul-off. Too many yummy-looking commercials. Too little activity. The average American watches 3 hours a day! There is a reason that those food stylists and their photographers are paid so much!
Find your skinniest friend and follow them to their house. Move in. Only eat as much as they do. I call this the, "Allison diet," after having lunch with my skinniest friend.
Ask the doctor if it's possible to Botox taste-buds. I'm not suggesting permanent laser removal or anything! All flavor will return after, only what? Six months? Most people would rather get their stomachs stapled and their intestines shortened than have their sense of taste altered.
Move out of the Midwest. The vegetables and fish are shipped here from the ends of the earth, and they are pitiful. The fruits and vegetables are bred to be pretty and to travel for weeks. The taste and nutrition, however, are compromised. It's NOT THE CHEMICALS, DANGIT! But, hey, the red meat and bread products here are the best. There's such a thing as too yummy. Find the country with the least number of overweight people. You can limit it to English-speaking because there's no sense in getting all crazy about this weight loss business. (Umm, nevermind. Googled it. All the English-speaking countries seem to be problematic. Let's move to Denver! It's the leanest!)
When you move away, make sure the new locale has good public transport, because you'll be getting rid of your car. Walking is what people DO. Birds fly, fish swim, ants run, people walk.
My point is, that the things that make us struggle with our weight are such intrinsic parts of our habitat.. such intrinsic parts of ourselves... that it seems impossible. It's actually just a matter of choice.
Put your TV on the curb for haul-off. Too many yummy-looking commercials. Too little activity. The average American watches 3 hours a day! There is a reason that those food stylists and their photographers are paid so much!
Find your skinniest friend and follow them to their house. Move in. Only eat as much as they do. I call this the, "Allison diet," after having lunch with my skinniest friend.
Ask the doctor if it's possible to Botox taste-buds. I'm not suggesting permanent laser removal or anything! All flavor will return after, only what? Six months? Most people would rather get their stomachs stapled and their intestines shortened than have their sense of taste altered.
Move out of the Midwest. The vegetables and fish are shipped here from the ends of the earth, and they are pitiful. The fruits and vegetables are bred to be pretty and to travel for weeks. The taste and nutrition, however, are compromised. It's NOT THE CHEMICALS, DANGIT! But, hey, the red meat and bread products here are the best. There's such a thing as too yummy. Find the country with the least number of overweight people. You can limit it to English-speaking because there's no sense in getting all crazy about this weight loss business. (Umm, nevermind. Googled it. All the English-speaking countries seem to be problematic. Let's move to Denver! It's the leanest!)
When you move away, make sure the new locale has good public transport, because you'll be getting rid of your car. Walking is what people DO. Birds fly, fish swim, ants run, people walk.
My point is, that the things that make us struggle with our weight are such intrinsic parts of our habitat.. such intrinsic parts of ourselves... that it seems impossible. It's actually just a matter of choice.
posted by Anita the Sandy at 7:12 AM
1 Comments:
Good advice, Anita. I'm going to get my taste buds botoxed ASAP. Okay, not really. But I am a wholehearted believer in walking wherever you can and in living in a place which makes it possible to walk lots of places. From my house I can walk to the grocery store (with a big backpack to carry the groceries back, of course), the post office, the bank, and Starbucks, of course. I really don't understand when people are four blocks from a place and they drive there. What's wrong with us?
Oh, yeah, and being TV-less definitely helps, too. I love being TV-less. I just don't want everyone to be TV-less or I would never get to watch it. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home