The Girls Conquer Furnace Fumes

Furnace fumes were rising up towards the chimney, but redirecting themselves into a hairpin turn and coming back out the water heat exhaust duct, into the house.

It was really smokey at first, but then when I lit the water heater, the hot updraft made some improvement. It started sucking the bad air up the chimney. The biggest problem was how humid the exhaust was. Water condensed on all the windows and dripped on the woodwork. 90-year-old woodwork is not waterproof!

I called my furnace guy Charles, and he sent me a girl! I felt a sense of vindication. Hey, I'm not the only chick in the house business! I grabbed the exhaust duct and started pulling it out of the chimney, so that we could check for a clog. The other girl cranked and wiggled the duct to work it out of the cement. She was the brave one who stuck her hand in the chimney. "Oh, Wow! Look at all this! That's our problem!" She started dragging out huge handfulls of dirt. It looked like garden soil. I imagine it was 90 years of composting pidgeon poop. It was stinky enough. After she got it dragged out onto the floor, the pile stood about 8 inches tall.

The exhaust is working great, now. No more wet windows or smelly fumes.

Cheap Electrician

What is the deal with that fashion in the 60's and 70's? They had this deep, misguided love affair with table lamps. WHO NEEDS LIGHT FIXTURES WHEN WE HAVE TABLE LAMPS? They only have enough light to shine on the top half of your newspaper, but isn't this cozy?

I have put myself to sleep at night thinking of how to run a wire into that living room for a light fixture: *mumble mumble* "can't run it along those walls b/c it's all brick, *mumble mumble* not that wall b/c it's perpendicular to the joists,..... not that wall b/c there's a huge beam... oh just forget it. *mumble mumble* ........................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

But there was a scar in the cottage cheese texture of the ceiling. Dead center. Scraping off the nasty cottage cheese texture... Here's a patch job in the plaster. Could it be possible? No.... Who would cover up a perfectly good light fixture and then use only those pitiful table lamps when they could have a nice, bright ceiling lamp? Humm.. but, look here! Under the wallpaper! There's a junction box on the wall that has 2 little wires dangling in it. And right where a switch would be, too....

So, I took a chisel and starting whacking at the patched spot. Power is still on. Out dropped a little wad of newspaper! It was cool. It had a TV listing for the Apollo landing time. There were also listings for shows that I kinda remember, like "Cannon." Maybe now is a good time to turn off the power.

I found wires! I stuck a switch in the box on the wall. I had to backstab it, because there was very little wire in there. I grabbed a spare fixture that Brent had salvaged from some other job, and lashed it onto the ceiling.

Answered prayer! It worked!

The cheapest electrician is the one you never need to call.


Update: There's a beautiful, huge ceiling fan in there now!

Drastic Weight Loss Ideas You Won't See in Magazines

All those magazine articles about weight loss don't work because they just don't think BIG. (pun unintended) Here are some ideas that will really work:

Put your TV on the curb for haul-off. Too many yummy-looking commercials. Too little activity. The average American watches 3 hours a day! There is a reason that those food stylists and their photographers are paid so much!

Find your skinniest friend and follow them to their house. Move in. Only eat as much as they do. I call this the, "Allison diet," after having lunch with my skinniest friend.

Ask the doctor if it's possible to Botox taste-buds. I'm not suggesting permanent laser removal or anything! All flavor will return after, only what? Six months? Most people would rather get their stomachs stapled and their intestines shortened than have their sense of taste altered.

Move out of the Midwest. The vegetables and fish are shipped here from the ends of the earth, and they are pitiful. The fruits and vegetables are bred to be pretty and to travel for weeks. The taste and nutrition, however, are compromised. It's NOT THE CHEMICALS, DANGIT! But, hey, the red meat and bread products here are the best. There's such a thing as too yummy. Find the country with the least number of overweight people. You can limit it to English-speaking because there's no sense in getting all crazy about this weight loss business. (Umm, nevermind. Googled it. All the English-speaking countries seem to be problematic. Let's move to Denver! It's the leanest!)

When you move away, make sure the new locale has good public transport, because you'll be getting rid of your car. Walking is what people DO. Birds fly, fish swim, ants run, people walk.

My point is, that the things that make us struggle with our weight are such intrinsic parts of our habitat.. such intrinsic parts of ourselves... that it seems impossible. It's actually just a matter of choice.

Beautiful Bathroom!

The bathroom is finished!

It's so pretty!

• gleaming white wainscoting
• new designer toilet
• new oak vanity
• new oak medicine cabinet
• beautiful tile shower surround
• new light/exhaust fan
• 3 new alabaster light fixtures
• floor tile that won't show dirt
• chrome faucets, tub spout, shower head
• fresh paint, all exterior-grade
• built-in adjustable shelves

I need to learn how to add pictures to this site.

Never Been This Discouraged (UPDATED)

Stupid ceiling. *cussing like Yosemite Sam*

I'm rolling drywall mud on the ceiling in the living room. It gives a subtle stucco texture when knocked down a little.

But every few swipes makes pieces of the ceiling come off! Some of it is old plaster, some is flaking paint. Some is previous patching. So I go up and scrape off the loose crap. Then I pick the particles off the roller. I just kept rolling.

Some spots just look terrible. Most of it came out okay. BUT..... six hours to texture one ceiling? My arms are thinking about seceding to a new body in Canada. My back is planning to go with them. My neck has already left.


The more water I added to the mud, the less of a problem I had.


Later, I'll sand the rough spots down, and re-do the bad spots. Today, I'm taking the day off and playing video games. I've never been so discouraged. Tomorrow's another day.


UPDATE:
I talked to a professional about how the ceiling was coming apart. He said it's because the water in the fresh drywall mud softens the old material too much. He told me to put oil-based paint on first, so that the water can't soak through.

My back and neck were hurting for about 2 weeks because of scraping and texturing ceilings all day for so many hours. It's all better now.

So then I started having carpel tunnel symptoms. I changed the way I held the scrapers, and those symptoms died down.

Right now, I'm only working 5 or so hours at a time. I am making good progress during those few hours. I'm still sort of discouraged, but at least I'm working for ME and not for someone else. I will have something to show for all of my labors at the end of all of this. Unlike my job, where my haircuts just grow right back, and my owner keeps most of the profits.

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How To Make Friends, by My Friends

If I were to ask a few of my favorite people why they have good friendships, they would probably say this:


Jenny would say:
1. Choose your friends wisely. Get to know the person first and see if they are trustworthy.
2. Be interested in everything that is said.
3. Laugh.
4. Don't be shallow. Instead, talk about the things that are most important to you.
5. Do things together with your friends. Work, play, eat, walk.
6. Don't let a friendship fade away once you have established it.

Jill would say:
1. Ask lots of questions. Find out everything about the other person's life. People are fascinating when they finally open up.
2. Give them fun projects to do that maximize their talents. Work together on projects.
3. Help your friends out. You never know when you will need to cash in on a favor.
4. Loan your books. Then you have more in common to talk about.
5. Don't get your feelings hurt about little things.
6. Be passionate and excited about everything. People love people who have enthusiasm. They are entertaining.

Jeremy would say:
1. Be POLITE to everybody, even strangers.
2. Joke a lot. Laugh until you can't breath.
3. Be compassionate. Let yourself feel someone else's sadness.
4. Be reliable. Earn other peoples' respect by doing what you are supposed to.
5. Respect good people. Avoid evil people who don't mind hurting fellow human beings.

April would say :
1. Always try to be a better person tomorrow than you were yesterday.
2. Love family unconditionally.
3. Give advise. People love the attention.
4. Don't act like you are perfect. It makes people feel inferior.
5. Hug.
6. Read. It makes you interesting.
7. Write. It keeps you from being shallow.
8. Think. Even if it drives you nuts. At least it the drive will take you somewhere new.

Mom
1. Be sweet. Don't worry about over-doing it. There's no such thing as too sweet.
2. Set boundaries about how you expect people to treat you.
3. Smile.
4. Tell stories about your week.
5. Call your mother every day. Then when you are old, your daughter will call you.

Dad
1. Teach people how to do things. It will help them in life.
2. Be there, available.
3. Puns are fun! Corny is fun! If a joke is funny, tell it again and act it out.
4. Coax the women in your life to plan social events for you. They are good with that.

Kelly
1. Be cheerful, fun and laugh at the good times.
2. Entertain your friends with impromtu songs and stories.
3. Get involved emotionally.
4. Always try to improve yourself.

Me
1. Understand that each person is an eternal soul, the very image of God and loved by Him.
2. Find ways to help people out.
3. When you are with someone, spend half of the time talking and the other half listening.
4. Tell people what you like about them.

New Furnace In the Fixer-Upper House

Hard freeze coming.

Hate frozen plumbing

Can't figure out ON

Calling and calling furnace guy

Go over at 10pm

Fiddle with controls,

Again

Set to 60

Switch to HEAT

Turn on gas

Turn on power

Nothing

Same steps, different order

OffOnOffOn

New noises!

More fiddling

Fire!!!!!

Blower!!

SMOKE!!!

off

Duct tape...

(First time on a duct)

Gas on, Power on...

Ahhh! Warmth.

Now I'll go over there and see if the place has burned down or not.

Really Good Sucker

I was enjoying a really good sucker.

It was green apple flavor, dipped in caramel.

It gave me a tongue sprain!

My Car Makes Me Sin

Cars are so maddening, but every once in a while, you get those big problems that turn out to have an easy solution. My solution today was both easy and funny.

My car was acting up in several ways:

The power steering was making weird noises. It sounded like a whine or a moan. Halloween's over! Enough with the sound effects!

The heater quit working the day before the first hard freeze. Time for me to whine and moan.


I went to my new mechanic to see if they could tell me how much money I needed to start saving. Then a customer in the lobby said, "You're probably low on radiator fluid." It was then that the RECEPTIONIST said, "Let's go out and look at it." (Who needs mechanics?) She pops my hood, and opens up the coolant cap. I opened up the power steering cap. She disappeared into the garage and started rumaging around , shouting for stuff.

Then she puts transmission fluid into where it says, "power steering fluid." A mechanic ran up and told her gently to stop. She insisted that it was the correct stuff. I said, "Oh, no! Is this like when you put type 'A' blood in a type 'O positive' person? Will we lose the patient?" Then the shop owner came up and was teasing her mercilessly. He found it all hilarious. (What do you call "good bedside manner" when the professional isn't a doctor?)

The mechanic got a tool that looked like a turkey baster. He sucked the transmission fluid up out of my car, reassuring me the whole time that transmission fluid will not hurt anything. He put in power steering fluid. A contradiction? Caution? Perfectionism? We lowly car owners never know....

After no exchange of money, they sent me to the local Napa parts store to grab some radiator fluid. Eight dollars later, I have a heater! And the steering wheel isn't Halloweeny anymore! Hooray! lol

I should send them a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies.


"My Car Makes Me Sin" by Silage: (ska)

Here we go...ha, ha, ha
Pick it up...woh, woh
Here we go...ha, ha, ha
Pick it up...woh, woh
I can't wait to trade it in
And leave it with a grin
I can't wait to get my wings
And leave these dents and dings

Chorus:
My car makes me sin
And it sends me into fits
Of rage,
I must repent
Oh God, please cool my engine
[Repeat Chorus]

Here we go...ha, ha, ha
Pick it up...woh, woh
Here we go...ha, ha, ha
Pick it up...woh, woh

And even if things were keen
The light would never turn green
And somebody would cut me off
And tell me off, and then run me off
[Repeat Chorus Twice]

Sweatshirt From the Early 70's

I went deeep into the retired-clothes section of the basement. I needed to find an old sweatshirt to work in.

I found an orange sweatshirt that I originally aquired when I left home in 1982. It used to be red, I think.

It was my Dad's. He used to wear it long before, in the early 70's. It reminds me of the days when he was young and thin. It fits me! It reminds me of when I thought all adults were responsible. It reminds me of when I didn't know my parents had personal problems. It reminds me of when I would run like a puppy when I heard the sound of my Dad's VW Bug coming around the driveway.

Gah, my parents could do no wrong in those days.

Oh, heck, now I'm crying.

How can anyone live without such a foundation?

Pink!

I am not a girly-girl. Not a fru-fru girl at all. My Mom says that I used to be, when I was 5 or 6. Then, suddenly, no more dolls or playing ballerina. About 15 years later, I realized that I was making people uncomfortable with my confused image. Hair school helped me put on a better act.

When I work with tools, the real ME comes out. I lapse into my "gunslinger walk" that my husband has learned to associate with accomplishment and happiness. I like it when my hands get callouses and my little muscles get sore. I should have been a farm girl, or a homesteader on the prairie. I noticed that whenever I am saying, "Wow, that was FUN!!!," is when I come home dirty and injured.

At the salon last week, I noticed a stack of new purses. They were freebies from an expired promotion. I reached out and took a big canvas purse trimmed in pink and crome. It is the absolute in foo-foo-shee-shee fashion. I thought, "I'll bet I can carry some plumbing tools in there! It's just the right size and it'll be funny!"

When I got it home, Jeremy started asking questions, "Is it for your mom? Is it for tools? It's bag for your tools, isn't it? It's just not.. YOU!" I let the curiosity build. There's no way I could have even joked that I bought it. I just told him, "It's my purse. It was a bargain- I got it FREE!" He was so puzzled. He couldn't imagine that I would carry it. It's the epitome of all that I am not. My usual purse, if I carry one at all, is always about the size of a passport wallet. I liked being the center of such consternation, so I decided to keep the tools out of it for a while.

I took it with me on days that I had extra stuff to carry. It feels so weird. I have to work up my courage to touch it. It's so PINK! It seems appropriate to grasp it only with thumb and forefinger, like a dead mouse. Once, while waiting at a restaurant table, I turned my back on it. When I returned and saw it sitting there, I almost moved to a new seat because I thought it was someone else's purse.

It's a really pretty purse,..... I guess.

Adventure Guy, Fruits and Veggies

Jeremy does all of the cooking in the house. I hate cooking. I do the dishes.

I asked Jeremy to make more fruits and veggies. I even have a sign in the kitchen, "Five a day for better health!" He is being quite creative. Today I had dried fruits and nuts with little bits of Heath candy bars. Effective delivery system.

Me: "What are you making, Jeremy? It smells good."

J: "Cherry Jello with strawberries. It's a fruit delivery system."

Me: "Delivery System?! Isn't that a military term as in, 'warhead delivery system'"?

J: "Yup."

It's Halloween, and Jeremy's been shopping. We now have a Jello mold in the SHAPE OF A BRAIN!!!!!!!!! A big, wiggling, lumpy, human brain molded of red Jello and strawberries. I never noticed the unpleasant sucking sounds that a serving of Jello makes when it goes onto a plate. It was more disgusting than when I actually ate brain. Even worse, it was made with Nutrasweet.

Tangible proof my husband loves me.

When You Make Someone Feel Guilty

Imagine you send an email to your good friend who lives out of state. He owes you a letter now, but he procrastinates. He even blows it off right past your birthday.

Then the buddy comes into town for a social event... say, a wedding, ... and sees you there. He cringes when he spots you. He contemplates dodging you. You spot him anyway. Then he's awkward. You exercise your charm. You reassure him that all of us let these little social obligations slip every now and then, and you understand completely.

It feels so bad to be the subject of this kind of guilt. You are thinking, "Don't torment yourself, just write the dang letter. And certainly don't dodge me! Your letters aren't all that good!"

There are times that guilt just makes us into a worse person. It finds a little crack and pries us apart. Really, now, how much relief can be found in avoiding friends, family or God Himself? We neglect to send a gift, or go to church or send a card or say our prayers, or thank a friend orwritealetterorcallorreadtheBibleorcleanorgiveupcussingorquitsmoking. We associate that unpleasant twinge with the other person. Get over it. Just reach out and connect. If they stop loving us because of piddley things, they don't deserve us.

As for God, I don't think He gets too hung up on our petty infractions.

Instead of playing hot-potato with the guilt, these are some good options:

I could get myself mad that the task isn't accomplished. Anger is more energizing than guilt.
I could imagine the completed task, and my corresponding big smile.
I think about how much I could enjoy a sudden fit of responsible behavior.